05/24/2006 21:39

19529 I Need a Bambulance

Audio is here... Dispatch: This is the ambulance emergency line, do you have an emergency? Crackhead: Yeah, I need a bambulance. Dispatch: Who is this? Crackhead: Uh.. Joe! Dispatch: OK, Joe, where do you need us? Crackhead: I'm in the mo'fuckin' phone booth. Dispatch: OK, what's the address there? Crackhead: Uh, hold on. Dispatch: OK sir, did you call through 911? Crackhead: Uh... No! Dispatch: OK Joe, I need an, a location, what street are you on? Crackhead: Uh, I'm in the mo'fucking phone booth at the Stop-n-Go. Yeah I'm at the - that's it, I'm at the mo'fuckin' Stop-n-Go. On uh, on ah, wait a minute, (unintelligible street names) what's the mo'fuckin' street, (unintelligible street names) and somethin', at the mo'fuckin' Stop-n-Go. Dispatch: (unintelligible street names) and what? Crackhead: Hold on... (long pause) Uh.. Yo! Dispatch: Uh-huh? Crackhead: Hello? Lemme see. (unintelligible street names) Dispatch: (unintelligible street names) Crackhead: There you go. There you go! I'm in the mo'fuckin' phone booth. Ah, lemme tell you what, I'm in the, I'm going down the mo'fuckin' road driving my car minding my own goddamn business, and a mo'fuckin' deer jumped out and hit my car. Dispatch: OK sir, are you injured? Crackhead: Now, now, lemme tell you! I get out, and pick the mo'fuckin' deer up, I thought he was dead. I put the mo'fuckin' deer in my backseat and I'm driving down the mo'fuckin' road and minding my own business, the mo'fucker woke up and bit me in the back of my goddamn neck, it bit me and it done kicked the shit out of my car! I'm in the mo'fuckin' phone booth, the deer bit me in the neck, a big mo'fuckin' dog came up and bit me in the leg, I hit him with uh the mo'fuckin' tire iron and I stabbed him, I stabbed him with my knife, so I got a hurt leg, and the mo'fuckin' deer bit me in the neck. And the deer, and the dog won't let me out the mo'fuckin' phone booth, 'cause he wants the deer. Now who gets the deer, me or the dog? Dispatch: OK sir, are you injured? Crackhead: Yeah! Mo'fuckin' deer bit me in the neck! Hold on... Yeah, the mo'fu, hold, the mo'fuckin' dog is biting me, hold on, god damn get outta here! Mo, hold on, the mo'fuckin' dog is bitin' my ass! Hold on!